


Desperate to Know

by cadkitten



Series: Desperation [7]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Breathplay, Cumshot, Flogging, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2011-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperation Universe</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperate to Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [megumip](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=megumip).



> Prompt[s]: Desperation Universe. The past kink-filled tryst between Kaoru and Toshiya, referred to [here](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/244564.html).  
> Comments: for [](http://megumip.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://megumip.livejournal.com/)**megumip**. Happy birthday!  
>  Beta Readers: gothic_hime

Almost a month had passed since that eventful night where I'd learned that Toshiya had once fucked Kaoru. It wasn't rocket science, really. I mean, the pair had always been close back in the day and it should have been more than obvious to me that something might have happened between them. But the truth of the matter was... I was horribly curious. He'd filled me in on the mechanics - sort of - and my brain couldn't help but want more. I wanted to know in morbid detail what they'd done. And even worse was the fact that I honestly kept fantasizing on it. Though, I suppose, it could have been the opposite. I could have been irrationally mad and unreasonable.

It was late one night and I finally just gave up on it all, giving in and picking up my phone, shooting off a text I only briefly thought about before sending off. I suppose a lot of it could have been the alcohol content in my system, but it was just something that happened.

' _Hey... so I keep thinking on you and Kaoru. You said he was into kinky things, but I can't just leave it at that. I want to know more._ '

It was almost ten minutes before I received a reply from Toshiya, the tone of it telling me our bassist was incredibly nervous as to my intentions.

' _Oh? Well... I told you all there was to it. It was just once, never again._ '

It was then that I decided that text wasn't getting my point across and I just picked up the phone, dialing his number and waiting on him to answer. When he did, he sounded so shy and tentative that I almost felt bad prying into his and Kaoru's business. "Hey... I'm not being a jealous ass or anything. I just... I keep thinking about it and I just want to know how he used to be... you know?"

The sound of Toshiya swallowing met my ears and then a soft sigh. "Do you honestly want to know? Like, legitimately and not some fucked up ploy to be mad at me?"

"I'm not like that, you know that, Toto." I intentionally used the nickname he hated to show him that I was annoyed he'd even think such a thing of me.

"Fine. I'll be over in about twenty." He hung up without another word and I was left feeling confused and utterly lost until he showed up randomly at my doorstep, a small bag in his hands and a tiny frown on his face.

I let him in without hesitation and gave him a quick hug to let him know I wasn't in any way mad or pulling some bullshit with him, and I could almost feel him relax under my touch.

He handed over the bag and glanced around nervously. "Is he here?"

I shook my head. "Nope, he's at Kyo's tonight. Kyo wanted him, so he went."

Another funny look got shot my direction. "Doesn't that ever bother you? That you just... share him like that?"

"Nope. I mean, we have an odd dynamic with Kyo, but it just works for us. Kyo's like the third and he knows that and likes it there. We check all the time to make sure he doesn't feel left out or whatever. But he's not huge on singular commitment and this is good for him. He comes to me or Kaoru... or both of us... whenever he needs it. To talk, to hold, to fuck. Whatever he needs. And he gives us the same back in return. It's kind of an odd relief, honestly. It's like I have someone to help me with the parts I fail at sometimes. Me and cuddling don't do so well sometimes. But Kyo likes it and he'll be there just for that if Kaoru wants."

Toshiya shook his head a little and went to sit on the couch, tucking his legs up under him and then gesturing at the bag he'd handed over. "It's a video... it's old and shitty, but you wanted to know what happened and that has a good chunk of it on it." He looked a bit sheepish and then quietly admitted, "It's _my_ thing."

I arched any eyebrow at him, but went to put it in the VCR, fumbling around with things until I got it playing on the screen, the sound down low enough to not let the horrid sound on it actually show too badly. And then I came to sit next to him, leaning in on him a little bit, wanting to reassure him I was okay with this. "The things you learn about others, yeah?"

He snorted a bit. "Tell me about it. Like the fact that you are so not the jealous type... totally throws me off."

I just hummed slightly, my attention on the screen, eyes fixated on the scene playing out before me.

_Kaoru shifted on the floor, his eyes dark, rimmed with excessive amounts of kohl and his lips smudged with black. His hair was tousled, like he'd already had a good roll in the hay just before the video camera had come on. He was topless and mostly free of his tattoos. He reached to push one hand up into his hair and then the second, seeming to almost pull on it before he slid his legs further apart, hips pushing up, the tent in his pants obvious._

_A chuckle came from behind the camera and it jostled a little before Toshiya appeared in front of it, the angle a bit odd, but managing the scene nonetheless. He was completely naked already, his dick fully erect and glistening with lube. He was perhaps a bit more on the thin side than his bone structure dictated, but it didn't look all that bad on him. His hips twisted and then he was on the floor next to Kaoru, whispering out, "Tell me again what you wanted me to do, Kaoru."_

_Kaoru grabbed his hand and shoved it against his neck. "Choke me," he purred out in a voice that was nothing if not alluring. "Until I can't beg anymore."_

_Toshiya obviously hesitated and then slid his fingers around his neck._

_Kaoru let out a breathy sigh that was obviously made of pleasure. "Jerk me off while you do it," he hissed out._

_And Toshiya just complied, opening his pants with a bit of difficulty and then freeing his dick and starting to stroke it, his hand closing around Kaoru's throat at the same time. He was obviously still hard, enjoying it, but the look on his face made it clear he was a little uncertain of what he was doing. And after a moment, came the words proving it. "Are you sure this is okay?"_

_Kaoru just nodded, arching into the touch on his dick even more, his hands going behind him to support his body as he leaned back, forcing Toshiya to lean over him more._

_Things continued in such a manner for a few more minutes until Kaoru sort of out of nowhere started to cum, spurting out over Toshiya's wrist and the floor between them._

_Toshiya gave a shocked little sound and then a quiet laugh as he let go of Kaoru's neck, a red mark left behind making it clear he'd actually been choking him._

Toshiya reached for the remote and paused it, glancing over at me and then down at his lap, his cheeks a bit red. "Are you sure this is something you really want to be watching? I mean... it gets... more graphic than that."

I couldn't honestly think of a way to calm him down except to show him what it was actually doing to me. I was only wearing Kyo's track pants and a t-shirt, so I pulled the waistband of the pants down a bit and reviled to him my hard-on. "I don't know. _Do_ I want to be watching this, Toshiya?"

He let out a strangled little cough and then flushed brightly. "Die! What if they walked in on you doing that?!"

I shrugged. "I wasn't ever told I couldn't show my dick to other people. Hell, Kyo shows the world he's got a hard-on, right?"

"I'm hardly the world."

"And this is hardly just porn," I retorted, taking the remote back and pressing play once again. "By the way... feel free to have some fun with this memory if you need to. I don't mind. Tissues are beside you."

_They shifted around and Kaoru crawled on the futon in front of him, settling on all fours and sticking his ass in the air, as if expecting something._

_Toshiya came back around to him, a flogger in his hand and his boots from some old PV of ours on his feet. Aside from that, he wore absolutely nothing and Kaoru had lost his pants completely somewhere in the shuffle._

_Kaoru glanced back over his shoulder and upon seeing the implement, let out a moan loud enough that the poor camera couldn't take the volume of it._

_A moment later, Toshiya moved to lay a series of smacks along Kaoru's ass and thighs, his technique actually rather deliberate and obviously that of someone who knew what they were doing with the item in his hand. The appropriate pause was given and then a few more, being mindful of avoiding certain areas and being more careful with others, over the other's back. Back to his ass, he struck out harder, with the intent to make Kaoru scream, which he succeeded in doing quite a few times before he dropped it and quickly moved to him, prepping him in under a minute and then pushing his already condom-sheathed dick inside the other's body._

_Kaoru cried out in pleasure and Toshiya let out a moan of his own, the pair of them starting to fuck like rabid dogs._

I paused it this time, glancing over at Toshiya and seeing the tent in his pants. I picked up my phone and shot off a text to Kaoru and Kyo, not letting Toshiya see, just going to get us both a beer while waiting on the answer. ' _Toshiya brought over a video and it's making us both a bit horny. Mind if we jack it in the same room? No touching, I promise._ '

It took a few minutes before they replied to me, the text coming in at about the same time I was handing Toshiya a beer. I settled in beside him and flipped open my phone, taking a look at what I'd been sent.

' _Go for it. Have something else to drool over. - K & K_' Attached was a photo of Kyo sucking Kaoru's dick, peering up at the camera with this somehow innocent little look on his face.

I let out a moan that was perhaps a bit louder than intended, tucking my beer between my legs a moment later and then shifting closer to Toshiya to let him see the photo as well.

The bassist glanced at it and his eyes went wide. "Holy fuck," was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

I let out a quiet laugh and nodded. "Holy fuck, indeed. They're damn hot together." Gesturing at the screen, I added on, "So were you and Kaoru."

He shifted uncomfortably and I flipped back to the conversation on the phone and held it out to him to see. He glanced over it and then arched an eyebrow at me. "You just want to see my dick."

I pointed at the screen. "I've already seen your dick, thanks. Actually, I just want to jack off... bad."

He laughed and then shrugged. "Fine. Whatever. Not like I haven't done this before in my life." He unbuttoned his pants and then lowered the zipper, exposing his dick to my view and then grasping it, starting to stroke it. "Press play, will ya?"

It was hard not to just gape at him for a minute, the sheer fact of how much he had gone from afraid and shy to this man willing to whip it out and get his dirty on right in front of me just utterly amazing. Finally, my brain got back in gear and I jabbed the play button, the sound of skin against skin filling the room.

For about the next five minutes, I couldn't stop looking between my two 'shows'. On one hand, I had Kaoru and Toshiya fucking. On the other, I had a live Toshiya really going to town on himself right next to me on the couch. Every man's technique was just a little different and I always found it fascinating to see it and pick out the little quirks that made it special. Toshiya's thing seemed to be on every fourth stroke, he'd shift his thumb to swipe over the head of his dick and then slide it back around to help grip once again. It was so methodical it could only be unconscious at this point.

_Kaoru started to cum on the screen, pretty much screaming as he dirtied the sheets under him. Toshiya got wilder with his thrusts and started making lots of noise of his own._

I finally gave up, pushing my pants most of the way down my thighs and pushing myself up, using the back of the couch as leverage to really start to go at myself, my hand a blur over my dick, my eyes just entirely on Toshiya now, watching my free show. Just as I was about to ramp it up the final time, he moved, getting up and leaning over me, one leg propped on the couch on the other side of me. He jerked himself quickly, hips pushing forward and then he let out a groan, his cum raining down over my hand and my dick, some of it dotting my thighs and a glob of it landing right on the head of my cock. Milking himself out, he then pulled back and stood there, looking rather smug with himself.

I, on the other hand, completely lost it, using his cum as much-needed lube, everything exploded in only a matter of seconds, my own orgasm crashing down on me as I added to his offering. By the time I was done, I was shaking on the couch and he had fallen back down beside me, the video having ended and only static remaining on the television screen.

I stared down at the mess we'd made on me and I coughed slightly. "Does this count as touching?"

"Not once has it ever," he retorted and then shook his head. "If anything, it's cruelty on my part. Jizzing on you."

"It's only cruel if I didn't enjoy it."

"Oh-ho-ho! Well, now we find out something about Die, do we?"

I glowered at him and then reached for the tissues, starting to mop myself up. "Shut up, Toto."

He shrugged and just sat back, crossing his legs and finally asking, "Curiosity satisfied then?"

"Oh... I'd say so." I smirked at him. "And now I know where he learned enough technique to even try to teach me. And, by the way... I suck."

"I'm sure you do," he snorted out and then, "But, I can make you better. Lessons or something... you know, if he lets you."

"Maybe... maybe for his birthday. We'll see."

**The End**  



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